What I do for chocolate
by sanders18
Summary: Tanya received a lot of chocolate from Ugar. She has some trouble keeping it away from everyone else.
1. Up to a bad start

This is bad. This is really bad.

It was originaly a nice gesture from Ugar. He knew I had a soft spot for chocolate, so he decided to gift me a bunch when the last supplies were sent.

I was surprised. Pleasantly of course. I hadn't expected this connection to weild results so quickly.

Sure, I would have prefered a recommandation to a cushy desk job away from the frontlines, but I guess after my recent "promotion" it would have needed nothing short of a miracle.

And there was no way I was going to pray a single second to Being X.

But pray tell, Ugar. What am I supposed to do with this much chocolate, and coffee beans, when I am stuck moving from a frontline to the next ?

Seriously ! How much did he have to pack ? Does he want me to get sick ?

Wait, maybe he is telling me that he won't be able to send more for a while ?

Let's think about it calmly.

Ugar should know of my coffee habits.

If I count how much coffee he sent me, I should be able to tell how long he expect me to make his gift last.

1, 2, no. 3 months worths of coffee beans.

Fine. considering he probably doesn't know how many chocolates I'd ingest in such a period of time, sending 4 month worth seems like a logical conclusion.

But still !

It's too much !

How am I supposed to explain the existence of 3 months' worth of luxury goods to my subordinates ?

No. I can't let them find out.

If they realize I have that many coffee beans, and not to mention chocolate, I'll be forced to share unless they'd think I was a rich jerk.

But even if I share, they'll just think I'm rich **and **generous. And I can expect them to leech off me forever.

This can't happen. I need to hide them.

But how ?

Should I seal the box and keep it away ?

No. People will start asking questions if they see it whenever we move away to a new camp.

Should I hide it in my bags ?

Nonsense. I don't have enough. It'll be obvious something's not supposed to be there.

"Ma...r"

What can I do about it ?

It feels like I'm missing something obvious.

"Major"

That's stupid. I have so little belongings, even after I add up the military equipment. It actually makes up the most of what I own.

"Major !"

"Silence, Serebryakov. I'm trying to figure out where to hide all this chocolate."

Seriously, why can't I have time to think peacefully ?

Now where was I? Yes, where to hide...

Wait a second. What did I just say ?

_I'm trying to figure out where to hide all this chocolate._

No. Before that.

_Silence, Serebryakov._

I lift my head. Serebryakov was indeed there, in front of my desk, standing still with a meek smile.

I then look at the opened box on my desk, full of coffee beans and chocolate.

Then back to Serebryakov.

Back to the box.

Back to Serebryakov.

This is bad. This is really bad.


	2. Partners in crime

This is bad. This is very bad.

Serebryakov walking in on me was nowhere near the worst that could have happened.

What am I saying ?

It was the best.

Not only was she perfectly understanding of my endeavour, she even went out of her way to help me.

She offered to buy me a case where I could hide my chocolate.

I was a bit worried that it would seem suspicious, but after a passionate speech on how it was expected for a woman to own several pieces of luggage, even in the army, I was thoroughly convinced.

Moreover, just in case it gets checked, I will be hiding them under several layers of books and dresses.

Not that I own many dresses.

In fact, I only own two.

The dress I wore during the propaganda shot was gifted to me by the team after they learnt I didn't own any.

And the one Viktoriya gave me.

The dress I used at the orphanage was so worn out I had thrown it away as soon as I had something else to wear.

This event ended up being a great bonding experience.

I was already close to Viktoriya. She was an important asset after all.

This, however, allowed me to realize how much I still underestimated her.

When she first walked in on me, and with my admission of wanting to hide the goods, I feared she would try to make me owe her something.

After all, having your boss indebted to you would be extremely advantageous to your career.

But she didn't !

Furthermore, when I gave her a chocolate bar as thanks, she didn't take it for granted.

She was genuinely overjoyed !

And her coffee !

If it was good before, now it was heavenly !

I always thought she was using her personal stash of coffee beans.

I was so wrong !

She actually used the same beans that were used to make the dirt soldiers were usually given to drink.

I couldn't have asked for a better adjutant.

I'm so glad she walked in on me.

Thanks to this, I now have a subordinate I can trust with everything.

Well, maybe not everything. I should stay on guard.

Anyways.

For now, I should close this box and hide it before anything else happens.

Viktoriya won't be able to gift me a case so soon, but if it's only temporary, hiding it under my bed will do.

At least Weiss wasn't the one to catch me red-handed.

Knowing how serious he is, I would have certainly lost his respect if it were to happen.

I should treat myself to a chocolate bar of my own.

Nothing will be able to dampen my mood now.

"Major Degurechaff."

"First Lieutenant Weiss. What is it ?"

_First Lieutenant Weiss ?_

I freeze, the chocolate bar halfway into my mouth.

This is bad. This is very bad.


	3. Advantages of knighthood

This is bad. This is so bad.

I shouldn't have been worried by Weiss' intrusion.

Apparently, even in the meritocracy that is the Imperial Army, it is perfectly normal for nobles to enjoy some preferential treatment.

And even if I only earnt my _Von _by becoming a knight at War college, it still makes me a noble in the eyes of my troops.

Even so. I was surprised Weiss wasn't phased by the chocolate in my mouth as he delivered his report flawlessly.

I felt a bit guilty for eating a snack while he was talking, but if it didn't bother him I certainly wasn't going to stop.

Especially since I was craving for some good chocolate.

However, on the third bite, I realized Weiss had an odd look.

What a blunder !

How could I be such a fool ?

I was so lost in the delicacy that I forgot how rude I must have seemed to Weiss.

He probably thinks I wasn't listening.

And he would be right. Everything he just said went way above my head.

Not that it was very difficult.

It's no time to joke.

I can't let my failure show.

I need to make him believe I was fully aware during his report otherwise I might lose his respect.

At least I was following enough to understand he was still in the middle of it.

I begrudgingly place the chocolate bar down and put my hands before my face.

I can't let him see the obvious frown I should be sporting after being forced to part with my treat.

"What's wrong Lieutenant ? Continue."

"Yes, sorry Major."

Here he is. Back to talking.

Hopefully it isn't too important.

I missed too much to tune back in anyways.

A mug of coffee landed next to me.

Perfect timing Viktoriya !

I didn't even realize she was here.

Maybe I can discreetly ask her what he was talking about afterwards.

I start drinking.

A wonderful way to pass time, and my frown should have been dissolved by the black brew.

Still, he should be finished soon enough.

Here, he just ended.

"Thank you Lieutenant. You may go."

I see his sight linger for a second on the chocolate bar.

Curses !

He surely resents how I ate it in front of him.

Let's gift the end of the bar.

Hopefully it should be enough to have him forgive me.

When I gave him the piece, he gave a weird look before accepting it and moving away.

How could I think it would work ?

With his seriousness, no doubt Weiss would have second thoughts about accepting an obvious bribe.

Still, he accepted it.

Let's hope it doesn't come back to bite me later.

I reach the chocolate bar, or rather what's left of it.

I was about to ask Viktoriya what Weiss was reporting for, when she told me it was about the state of the troops.

Why would he do that ?

That's totally unnecessary.

I bite into the bar.

Unless, of course, if we were to be inspected.

Speaking of which.

"Ahem..."

This is bad. This is so bad.


	4. Surprise inspection

This is bad. This is worryingly bad.

A surprise inspection right after our victory in Dacia isn't what I'd call an appropriate reward.

Rather, I should feel insulted.

At least I'm glad the inspector is Lieutenant Colonel Rerugen.

"Seems you can still manage to enjoy sweets after all this."

See?

He's happy to see I've retained my childlike's innocence despite this horrifying conflict.

Well, I didn't have any innocence to begin with, but I'm not going to correct him.

Thanksfully, this should allow me to finish my treat.

I salute him and gesture Viktoriya to give him the big lines of Weiss' earlier report.

I start skipping as we go through the camp.

I know I'm a grown man inside, but skipping feels strangely liberating.

"Ahem..."

I stop and swallow what's left of my chocolate.

What a mistake !

Skipping and eating my snack out in the open will make me lose the authority I've painstakingly drilled into my troops.

Nobody will want to obey me if they think I'm just a little girl.

How kind of Rerugen to subtly remind me of this.

Truly the best superior one could hope for.

With his support, I could probably push myself into an instructor role.

That seems like the best available option.

The inspection went smoothly, quite obviously.

After all, I wouldn't work with anyone but the best.

We even learnt of the official surrender of Dacia.

Peace in our time !

Hopefully I won't be as wrong as Chamberlain when I say it.

However !

The next piece of news rained on our parade.

We were going to the Norden Front.

With no time to rest !

Although I guess the brass must think this was more of a field trip than a war.

That's what it felt to me.

But still, I wouldn't have been against a few days off.

Everybody knows that people are more productive if you give them time to rest.

Although, now that I think of it, it won't become common knowledge for several decades.

Damn it !

I guess I can kiss goodbye to any sort of vacation until the war is over.

Well, I was prepared not to get a break.

I had Being X against me.

Let's hope my subordinates can follow through.

I made sure to prepare them with this is mind.

But as Moltken once said, no plan survives contact with the enemy.

Time to break camp.

Wait !

That means taking the box out !

Viktoriya didn't have time to buy that case.

This is bad. This is worryingly bad.


	5. Addicting bliss

This is bad. This is disturbingly bad.

As a rapid response force, we travel with only the bare combat necessity.

It means no tents, no coffee mugs, no bowls, nothing.

All of that follows us by train to the next front.

And that includes my chocolate filled box.

Since Viktoriya was in charge of my coffee, I let her deal with safekeeping the beans.

However, my precious chocolate stays with me.

And I need this box to be sent with the rest of our belongings to Norden.

Box that I've been unable to part with.

If it wasn't worrying enough, please note that I've been staring at it all the while.

For the past two hours.

I don't know why. Maybe I was hoping it would miraculously shrink to a size I could fit in my pocket ?

This is illogical !

I'll only miss it for a few hours. Days at most.

My heart clenches at the thought.

This can't go on.

I need to do something.

I can't let this simple, obvious decision block me here.

Exactly ! I'm taking the box with me.

NO !

You're stronger than this !

This sweet, delicious cacao filled bliss.

I feel myself drooling.

Get a hold of yourself !

"Major ?"

Viktoriya ? Perfect. Take this box away before I lose my mind.

Why can't I tell her that ?

I want to speak, but the words don't come out.

She watches me struggle.

This is so frustrating !

If I can't say it, I should try gesturing.

But I can't either !

Every move I try to make goes towards that stupid box.

I finally manages to utter a word.

"...chocolate..."

Right. What was I expecting ?

I'm making a fool of myself.

Viktoriya smiles and walks towards the box.

Victory !

She somehow got the message !

Or not.

She opens the box and pull out a bar.

I can feel my pupil dilating.

"Here you go Major."

She says, handing me the bar.

Is she treating me like a child ?

I grab it furiously before devouring the sugary treat.

Wait until I finish, Serebryakov. I'll definitly make you regret belittling me.

Once I ate it though, I realize she's gone.

With the box.

Hum. I might not agree with her methods, but seeing the results, I'll let it slide this time.

I can finally end up packing and get to the train.

It will send us up to the northen coast where we will be close enough to Norden for us to fly straight to the front.

I find Serebryakov with her signature meek smile.

She waits for us to be alone before asking.

"Are you alright Major ? It really felt like your life was depending on it back then."

Uh?

What?

Obviously not.

That would make me an addict.

Wait.

I **am **an addict !

This is bad. this is disturbingly bad.


	6. Realization

This is bad. This is deviously bad.

I've managed to hold without any chocolate for a week now.

I really don't know what got to me last time.

Maybe Being X's corruption was worse than I thought ?

Anyways, I won't be eating any chocolate for a while.

Just to be sure.

I've heard quite terrifying stories about relapses.

Back then, I only thought these people were weak.

Now I can understand.

First with the type 95, now with this.

However, I don't plan to permanently quit chocolate.

I'll just hold it off for a month at least.

Then I'll start eating some progressively.

I'll win in the end.

Honestly I was worried.

A few days ago, our belongings arrived.

It was late.

For two days we had to borrow the Norden Front tents and other necessities.

But for me, it was worse.

I barely slept.

It might have a bit to do with my overreliance on Viktoriya's coffee.

But more than that.

It was the box.

The damn box.

I couldn't keep it out of my head.

I dreaded it's return.

What if I lost my mind again ?

How would I stop myself ?

At least the few battles allowed me to forget my plight.

How sad it is that I've been looking forward to life threatening experiences to calm myself ?

This is so wrong.

But, when the box arrived, I didn't run to it.

I was proud !

Viktoriya might have helped by keeping me busy.

But still !

I waited until Grantz brought it to me.

His company was in charge of redistributing our belongings this time.

There's no point in each of us taking care of our own stuff.

It's wholly inneficient.

By letting a single company grab everything, it leaves the rest of us to do something else.

Wether it is productive or not.

When Grantz arrived though, I saw a chocolate bar in his pocket.

Did he open the box ?

Did he see it's content ?

Did he steal my chocolate ?

I barely stopped myself from jumping the gun.

It would have been disgraceful.

Although I think Viktoriya might have moved it slightly out of my reach.

Smart thinking.

However, I'm not sure I appreciate your lack of trust.

Instead, I've gently inquired about the chocolate.

He held the bar for me to see while giving some reason I don't care about.

I was glad.

It wasn't the same brand.

So I can be sure it wasn't mine.

I was also proud of myself for not getting tempted.

It showed I was slowly being cured.

Back to today.

Viktoriya should be coming back with that case she promised me.

I'll finally be able to lock my chocolate away.

Keeping it safe.

Here she is.

I open the case, she opens the box.

I take a deep breath.

I grab a bar, put it into the case.

Barely hesitates before letting it go.

And repeats.

Good.

I haven't tried to eat any yet.

In no time, we reach the last bar.

At the bottom of the box, I find a piece of paper.

Curious, I read what's written on it.

_Deus lo vult._

This is bad. This is deviously bad.


	7. Pearks of a trade

This is bad. This is dangerously bad.

I've been entertaining the idea that Being X was behind my recent struggles for a while.

This only confirmed it.

All things considered, it was obvious.

No sane human being would gift that many high grade chocolate bars.

Even if it was supposed to be 3 months of stock.

And even if I remind him of his daughter.

Moreover, I realized the feelings I had when eating the chocolate.

The pleasure, the lightness, the energy pouring into my veins.

It was the same as the type 95.

Though less potent.

I had originaly thought it was because I hadn't been able to taste exquisite chocolate since I became Tanya.

I was thoroughly mistaken.

I need to get rid of it.

Such a waste of good chocolate though.

But the curse isn't worth it.

And I can't just take the box away.

Viktoriya will be asking questions.

I could tell her an half-truth and say they were spiked.

However, she'll either think I'm making excuses for my ealier behaviour.

Or she'll try to get to the one who drugged it.

I don't want to bother Ugar.

I know it was Being X's fault, but I can't tell that to Viktoriya.

Ahhh.

If only I could trade it for some safe, non-cursed chocolate.

Wait !

I can !

Grantz had a bar, he might have more !

I need to be discreet.

I'm sure he doesn't want others to know too much about this.

I mean, I sure don't.

And I heard the common men can be quite teasing when you fall a bit out of the norm.

The other guys probably won't let him live it down.

Not that I would know.

I always made sure to fit right in.

And that kind of behavious wasn't even common in the circles I dwelt in my past life.

Anyways.

I grab a couple chocolate bars, hide them in my pockets and walk through the camp.

I find Grantz reading a letter.

I guess the mail just came in ?

I could let him read in peace.

But again, another opportunity like this might not arise before a while.

I clear my throat.

He's visibly startled.

If he had his orb on him, he might have flown all the way to the clouds.

He hid the letter behind him and snapped into a salute.

I'm a bit curious about what you've hidden now.

But I have more important things to do.

"At ease, Lieutenant."

He calms down.

"I've been wondering if you had any more of those chocolate bars."

This is more embarassing than I thought.

You can do this.

Think of it as a business deal.

A trade.

Nothing more, nothing wrong.

I see him hesitate.

Snap, he might think I want to leech off.

I should ease his worry.

"You see, I have a few chocolate bars of my own, but I wanted to try another brand. To see the difference. Do you want to trade ?"

I take a chocolate bar out of my pocket.

I see his eyes shine, but he's still hesitating.

Why ?

I don't know much about chocolate brands in this world, but I'm pretty sure mine's one of the best.

Ugar really went all out when he bought theses.

I should honestly thank him later.

Even if Being X chimed in the gift.

What am I missing ?

Maybe ?

"A bar for a bar ?" I add.

It definitly helped his decision.

It didn't make his hesitation completly disappear.

But I'm out of arguments.

And I can't use my childlike attributes without losing my authority.

Seems I don't have to.

He grabs a box next to his letter l, and pull out a chocolate bar.

Trade sucessful !

I even managed to trade him the second one.

I go back to my quarters.

I can finally snack on some perfectly safe chocolate.

I still need to find a way to get rid of the rest though.

Wait.

What will happen when Grantz eats the cursed chocolate I traded him ?

This is bad. This is dangerously bad.


	8. Experiment

This is bad. This is creepily bad.

Despite his comparatively low mental discipline, Grantz didn't get desperate after eating the chocolate.

I am deeply embarassed of how far I fell after only a week.

I guess the use of the type 95 made me particulary sensitive to Being X's corruption.

However, it seems that it was enough for him to come ask for more.

It seems his little sister sends him chocolate regularly, but he doesn't eat much so it's been piling up.

I now have a secure supply of safe sweets.

It isn't as good after having tasted Being X's cursed chocolate, but I'll manage until I can truly appreciate it again.

That Being X !

I can't believe he dared to go after my tasty treats.

I can never be too cautious.

Just in case, I have tasked Viktoriya with reporting on Grantz' behaviour every now and then.

This allowed me to learn the capabilities of Being X's cursed sweets.

It's not as great as the type 95's enhancing properties, obviously, but I realized Grantz tends to perform better on missions as of late.

About 20% better.

According to Viktoriya, Grantz has also been playing cards more often lately, and tends to win a lot more.

Wether it was because of enhanced memory or enhanced movements is anyone's guess.

He never managed to beat Viktoriya though.

I'm starting to suspect she's cheating, but if she does, she's good. For I never managed to understand how.

On the more frightening side, he became more and more pious over time.

It isn't unusual for a soldier to pray before battle.

However, Grantz has been showing alarming amounts of faith.

I usually don't care for the beliefs of my subordinates.

After all, if they want to waste their time praising that damn Being X, they're free to do so.

This is a basic liberty.

However, considering the circumstances of Grantz' increase in faith, I have reason to be worried.

Apparently, he started praying before pretty much any occasion, and even secludes himself in his tent to pray from time to time.

Yeah. This can't be good.

Will I end up like this if I keep using the type 95 ?

I shouldn't think about it.

I've already resolved myself to use the type 95 as little as possible.

Thinking anout added consequences won't change my decision.

Still, Grantz' change in behaviour might make me rethink trading my chocolate.

I guess I should stop before it goes too far.

I'll be missing Grantz' chocolate though.

And I have no idea if Ugar will send me another batch, and if he does, whether it will be safe or cursed.

_Accidat quicquid accidet._

Let whatever will happen, happen.

I should really sleep, I'll find a solution when the problem arise.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night.

There was a rustling noise.

Probably a rat.

Rats thrive on battlefields.

Feeding on the corpses.

If we aren't careful, on our supplies.

Or in the worst case, on sleeping soldiers.

You would find them easily on the frontlines.

As a mage, and as an officer, it would be very rare to be bothered by one.

But rare doesn't mean impossible.

Half asleep, I grab my gun and strike at the source of the noise.

_*Clonk*_

Huh ?

That isn't how it was supposed to sound.

It should have been *squish*

I light the lamp.

It wasn't a rat.

It was Grantz.

Seeing the mess, he was looking through my stuff for something before I knocked him out.

This is bad. This is creepily bad.


End file.
